People Getting Married

FromMindful Musings: People Getting Married

Stop glorifying it, stop hating it, stop making it such a pain for people to get into and to get out of! If you finally decide to get married, do it without too much pomp and show, and do it in spite of the people around you!

Mark is rapidly becoming one of my favorite bloggers. I find what he has to say to be honest and lacking in pretense. Which is great. It doesn't hurt that I seem to agree with him frequently. However, I have to take issue with the comment above... or really just the part I've marked in it. Marriage should not be easy to get out of. It's a contract. Contracts should be hard to break. I'm not so sure it should be so easy to get into. This is a contract you're making, not just with the person you're marrying, but with many other people. If you're to the point of getting married, you should already be wholeheartedly committed to dedicating your life to this person. (Not giving up your life in the process, because if you have to give up who you are to make their life better, you also shouldn't be getting married.)
In my opinion, a marriage is a contract with society. It is an event where you make public your already existing committment to another person. You are telling the world that you are going to fulfill the roles of a married couple. That never again will society be able to single you out for something because every good thing you do, they have a some responsibility for. Every good thing that happens to you goes to them as well. Every bad thing you do, they share some of the blame and every bad thing that happens to you, they share some of the hurt. A marriage is your chance to tell the world "You can count on me to love, cherish, protect, defend, support and stand by this other person. You mess with them, you'll have to deal with me." Every marriage that breaks up takes a part of every other marriage down with it. But on the same account, every marriage in which people stay together despite one or both of the people deciding that the commitment isn't there, takes a bit away too.
This does not mean that a single mistake is the end of any marriage. Nor does it mean that you can't get married until you know everything about the other person. That's just not possible. Finding someone who knows everything about themselves is impossible, let alone someone who knows everything about another person. People change and people make mistakes. That's what makes them people. But unless you're willing to give all that you have to make it work you shouldn't be getting married. And once you are, you have a contract with your spouse, your family and your society to work even harder. Marriage is hard work. It's great work, but it's hard.
Maybe we need to make getting into and out of it a little harder too.

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